By putting it there, the writer has insured that the reader will not interpret the exception ("except for. Readers expect the most important information to come at the end. (1) Shifted the material in the first sentence so that the main point comes at the end of the sentence. This version is much more reader‑friendly because the writer has made the following changes: Vegetation covered the earth before we existed and will cover the earth after evolution swallows us up. They survive in the cracks of busy city sidewalks as well as in barren rocks. Plants grow not only in richly fertilized plains and river valleys but at the edge of perpetual snow in high mountains, not only in and around lakes and swamps but under the ocean and next to it. Then we'll look at the specific changes that were made.Įxcept in those areas continually covered with ice or scorched by continual heat, the earth is covered with vegetation. Note how the revising choices in the following version alleviate the problem. It's not clear‑‑really‑‑what the main point is, even though one can sense the underlying logic. The sentences contain sufficient information, but when read together they seem hazy, disconnected. Before man existed the earth was covered with vegetation, and the earth will have vegetation long after evolutionary history swallows us up. The cracks of busy city sidewalks have plants in them as well as in barren rocks. There is plant growth not only in and around lakes and swamps but under the ocean and next to it. Richly fertilized plains and river valleys are places where plants grow, as well as at the edge of perpetual snow in high mountains. Vegetation covers the earth, except for those areas continuously covered with ice or utterly scorched by continual heat. Focus entered the language of optical science with the sense of a place where things converge, and it is this sense of convergence and centrality and the sharp image that a correctly focused lens produces that we intend when we speak of FOCUS in writing. Borrowed without change from Latin, this word surprisingly first meant "hearth" or "fireplace" (compare fellow derivatives FOYER and FUEL)-in other words, that central point from which heat and light radiate throughout a structure. It may be profitable to think of focus in terms of its original meaning. Generally, it means instructing the reader on how to read our discourse. It may mean inserting transitional words and phrases, or creating parallelism so that the reader can see at a glance that a pair of elements carry the same weight, or rearranging material within a sentence so that the reader gets an accurate sense of what’s important and what’s not. Revising for coherence means going back to the draft with the reader's needs in mind. Usually when we write rough drafts, we are concerned mainly with getting our thoughts on paper, not with making sure that they interconnect well so that a reader can process our reasoning easily. Revising to Make Language More InclusiveĬoherence describes the way that the elements in our sentences and paragraphs hang together to produce meaning.Revising to Make More Effective Use of Quotations.Geography of an Issues and Exploration Paper.Types of College Writing Toggle Dropdown.Writing Courses Beyond First-Year English.Placement in First-Year Writing Courses.The Writing Scene at Guilford College Toggle Dropdown.A Proposed Categorization of the Academic Writer's Responsibilities.How College Writing is Different Toggle Dropdown.
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